Also, I will not write about how adultery or alcoholism harms a marriage: it is often a betrayal of the family that strengthens it, and even if it is drunk with a spouse or grown-up children, joint alcoholism is harmful.
You can write that marriage destroys life, routine, misunderstanding, scandals, inability to listen to each other, lack of mutual respect ... Nonsense, I know a lot of families who perfectly preserve marriage with all this gentleman's set.
Why write about such trifles, if the marriage has five truly terrible enemies?
1. Death. Two opinions can not be. If the death of one of the spouses occurs, the marriage automatically ceases to exist. Death has long and rightly holds primacy, if we talk about real, and not indirect enemies of marriage.
2. Severe illness of one spouse. I foresee a chorus of indignant voices who will begin to object to me: they say, a real marriage, like a strong ship, will stand under the weight of storms and tribulations. Let me argue: true love will stand. And marriage is a commercial enterprise. A serious illness of one of the partners is a decrease in income and an increase in expenses. Deterioration in the quality of life of the whole family. Bankruptcy.
We take the disease of elderly relatives as a given age and, to the best of our ability and patience, experience it with them. And if the young spouse is seriously ill? It is only in the series that the proximity to death enlightens a person, makes him kind and tolerant in the face of an imminent demise. In life, the patient regresses, cursing the whole world for the illness that has befallen him, and requires increased attention and care.
Do you think a lot of months will pass before a healthy spouse asks himself: “Why do I need all this?” Three disabled men, whom I know, are lonely, although they were married before the illness. Two live with their mothers, the third one.
Remember the saying: “Brother needs a rich sister, and a husband needs a healthy wife.”
3. Sexual disharmony. My friend says: “My husband and I have sexual harmony: he does not want, but I don’t need to.” And she is right, it really is harmony. It is worse when a husband needs four times a day, and his wife once every two weeks.
Such a difference of temperaments will not bring to good. Sooner or later, the sexier half will go to look for the missing attention on the side, and it is good if it is a woman: we are usually careful, prudent and rarely come across. Unlike men, who simply do not think about basic things. For example, the husband of my friend regularly threw his pants into the wash for his wife, presented to him by his mistress. She did not divorce him, which once again proves that betrayals are not enemies of marriage.
4. Big money. Another friend of mine divorced her husband, not when they lived, each month borrowing money "before pay." And then, when she began to earn well and decided that now she would provide herself and children alone. Another friend divorced her husband after having calculated to the penny how much property and alimony she would get during a divorce.
“It’s much nicer to be a free woman with such income,” she said.
I will not consider situations in which a wealthy husband changed his old wife for a younger person — I promised not to write banalities?
5. Personal growth of one spouse. If one of the spouses begins to engage in himself - go to developmental training, study psychoanalysis, read literature on psychology, then sooner or later he will get his hands up to his own marriage. The old relationship model is deteriorating, and the new build is not always possible.
In general, it seems that in Russia the main enemy of marriage is a man, consisting in this marriage. The average Russian man, confident that he is the most intelligent and beautiful. Fostered by her loving mommy, to whom she has been running for 40 years to consult for any reason. Considering that the responsibility for the relationship should be borne by a woman. Of course, if a man understands the meaning of the phrase "be responsible for the relationship." Such a specimen is not quoted on the world market, it’s not for nothing that the main matchmaker of the country, Roza Syabitova, says: “Russian men are mounted only with Russian women, no one else can tolerate them.”
In order not to finish the article on a sad note, finally I will tell you: everything will be fine! Everything will surely sometime be good - with men, with marriage, with Russia, with you and with me. You just need to smile more often and less believe everything that is written in such articles.